Saturday, April 2, 2011, 1:15pm
So I sit down in my office to work on my sermon.
To make the suffocation of this stained glass cubicle more bearable,
I click on my U2 channel on Pandora.
Perhaps cranking up "The Fly" by U2 set the emotional stage...
It's no secret that a friend is someone who lets you helpIt's no secret that a liar won't believe anyone elseThey say a secret is something you tell one other personSo I'm telling you child
A man will begA man will crawlOn the sheer face of loveLike a fly on a wallIt's no secret at all
Hardly know where to begin with that.
But the guitar solo combined with that phrase "the sheer face of love" ...
probably uncorked something... something powerfully distilled in my soul.
probably uncovered something... like finding yet another hatch
in the 3rd season of my own personal island of LOST.
Next up: Counting Crows "Long December" ...
Is it his voice, that crooning wail?
Is it the sad beauty of those chords in just that order?
or... more likely...
combined with the above,
it is all that plus these words:
And it’s been a long December and there’s no reason to believeMaybe this year will be better that the lastI can’t remember all the times I tried to tell myselfTo hold on to these moments as they passAnd it’s one more day up in the canyonAnd it’s one more night in HollywoodIt’s been so long since I’ve seen the ocean... I guess I should
Suddenly my face is in my hands.
A sudden rush of beauty & pain, joy & sorrow.
Tears wash down my face.
Saltwater baptism.
Not enough liquid for even a sprinkling,
but enough emotion for a full immersion.
I wonder if at 12 or 21 or 30 Jesus ever thought...
"maybe this year will be better than the last".
I wonder whether his tears for his friends,
for the city, for me... ever confused him.
I wonder whether I can ever really fully surrender
to him the meaning of my tears for my friends, my city, myself.
(or if i even dare to try)
2:00pm.
No time left for wonder.
There's a sermon to prepare,
there's doctrine to doublecheck,
there's baptism debates to resolve...
Thanks Lord, for the last 45 minutes...
I almost felt human again.
It's been so long since I've seen the ocean,
guess I should.
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